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What Goes Flush in the Night

1438448_60946317I was having a decent night’s rest, as decent as any mom can get, when at 4 in the morning the three Great Danes outside started howling.  They stay just outside of our master bathroom window and I can hear their every bark.  Normally, checking on bumps in the night is considered a “man job” at my house but as any man job goes in the middle of the night, we would have all died before he would have woken up from his unbelievably deep slumber.

Without turning on the lights, I got up and peeked out the window to see what in the world was so important for them to be barking SO loudly.  It didn’t take long to realize that our coyote neighbors were having a party just yards away from our house.  This isn’t something new around here and I knew that the wild coyotes would move their get-together right along soon enough and then the big dogs would settle down. I wanted to settle myself down back into my bed to sleep uninterrupted until the kids would bounce on my head the next morning proclaiming that they are thirsty or hungry.  (Man, kids eat a lot.  You have to keep feeding them.  Hahaha.) Alas, as mom bladders go, after any amount of time resting the first thing that I must do is go to the bathroom.  I flipped the light on and still a little blinded by the bright light (think “Gremlins” movie on the bright light) I sat down to relieve my mommy bladder. Being that I was still halfway asleep, I didn’t rush my rest stop.  It isn’t often that I get to pee without an audience or a “hurry up, mom,” so I took advantage and sat there for a few extra seconds with my eyes closed.  Finally, I got up and with my eyes slightly open I went to flush. ..but something caught my eye. I have been wearing contacts since I was a freshman in high school and my vision hasn’t improved since, but even though I am nearly blind as a bat without my contacts or glasses, I could see something about half the size of my hand and black in my toilet. My first thought was, “Good Lord, what just fell out of my body!” As I bent down to get a better look, well, what I saw next sent me into near anaphylactic shock. There in my toilet where I had taken advantage of my “just me” potty time, was a mouse. And not one of the cute little field mouse kind of mice. It looked huge; like the biggest bully mouse on the playground kind of mouse.I don’t like hurting animals, even ones that aren’t my favorite –unless it is a snake, then it is DIE DIE DIE. Sorry, snake lovers, but if it can move from point A to point B without legs, that is just creepy to me.I stood there looking at this mouse, that was ALIVE, who I had obviously just peed on and there was no way that I was getting it out to seek revenge for that incident, so I had no choice. I flushed with a frenzy like I had never flushed before. He tried to swim for it but he was no match for my fierce flushing. Even after he was long gone, I kept flushing and flushing. By this time, I was jumping up and down making odd noises and still trying not to wake up the rest of the house.Finally, with half a huffing pant I calmed myself enough to gently crawl into bed with my husband where I whispered to him that he didn’t need to set that trap that I had been asking him to set for the last week and half. That I had peed on the thing and killed it.Falling back asleep wasn’t really easy. The thought then occurred to me, What if it had bitten my bottom???  Are mice like turtles and lightning has to strike before they release? What series of shots would I have needed if that had happened? Better yet, how would I have explained that in the ER?The next morning, I still had some anxiety about the toilet but I knew that my day couldn’t be as bad as that poor mouse’s, may he rest in peace with Davy Jones,  who had been peed on, screamed at and flushed multiple times. I will from now on look before I pee.

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