The Real Life ‘Elf on the Shelf’

Around the first week of December, a random elf showed up in our family room. At first I was alarmed and told the kids to stay in their rooms while I tried to figure out what was going on. I was going to call the police but my wife told me I was over reacting. We called our neighbors and apparently some of them have elves in their houses as well. Our neighbors seem to think this is normal and tell us that he will be in our home until Christmas. They also told us that he will watch our children during the day and wander our house at night getting into things. They thought this was normal and that “it is so fun”. I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of a small stranger in red tights wandering around my home at night watching my kids. I want to be positive about this but it makes me nervous. I’ve decided to allow him to stay (I don’t think I really have a choice) but I am keeping a close eye on him and have decided to document all of the days he is here, until he returns home to the Candy Cane Forest or wherever he came from.

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Day 1: We woke up this morning to find and elf in our family room. Our neighbors seem to think he is part of the “Elf On The Shelf” program but we are still not sure. He doesn’t talk much, just sits around watching us and eats all of our food.

I’m just glad he’s wearing a diaper and I pray that he know how to change them.

If anything changes I will let you know.

efl2

Day 2: So the elf is still hanging around. I made pancakes this morning but we had to eat them without syrup because he wouldn’t let us touch it – just sat on our bananas and watched us eat. Hoping to get more answers today about how long he plans on staying.

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Day 3: Okay this elf needs to go back to the Candy Cane Forest or wherever he came from. Today was the second day Wil missed his nap because this elf woke him up to tell him Narwhal jokes.

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Day 4: The elf has been a huge help wrapping presents this week, but I was not as grateful when I stumbled to the bathroom in the middle of the night and found this present.

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Day 5: Third time telling this elf not to put cookies in the VCR! He is fascinated with jamming them in there.

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Day 6: “I could totally let you drive Santa’s sleigh, I do it all of the time.”  Our elf is such a womanizer.

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Day 7: Tonight was the first night the elf at dinner with us. He never broke eye contact with me the entire dinner. I asked him repeatedly to get off the table but he would just throw noodles at me.

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Day 8: Heard some giggling sounds last night coming from the front room. Flipped on the lights and caught him red handed. Somebody needs to start earning his keep around here.

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Day 9: So I ended up taking all of the syrup and candy canes out of the house hoping the elf would leave but it only made this worse. He deliberately let me see his report to the big man tonight as a scare tactic. “Dear Santa, They have not been feeding me enough sugar.”  I think he is serious about sending it.

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Day 10: Tonight we left the elf all alone in the house for the first time. It was very nerve racking for me. I was so happy to pull in the driveway and not see my house on fire. The elf wouldn’t stop bragging about beating Godzilla at every game we own.

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Day 11: This time the elf has gone too far. Tonight he waited until I had my eyes closed washing my face in the shower, then snuck up and started singing “Joy to the World” at the top of his lungs.

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Day 12: Every morning the elf insists on throwing marshmallows at me while I eat my sugarless cereal. I don’t like marshmallows in my cereal, I’m not four years old!

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Day 13: The elf told me that he needed to borrow my phone to make an emergency call to Santa. When I got my phone back I noticed there were no outgoing calls but my camera roll was loaded with selfies (which he referred to as “elfies”).

-That Dad Blog

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