If you read the first part of this series, thanks for coming back. If you didn’t, why not? Don’t you like me? If you missed it, you can find it here.
Today we’re going to check out three more fast food joints; we’ve got Arby’s, Subway and KFC.
Let’s start with Arby’s, because it’s my favorite. I was a longtime fan of the classic roast beef but now I like to change things up a little. For a while, I always ordered the roast chicken sandwich until one day…..IT WAS GONE. And it seems it doesn’t qualify for ‘top secret menu’ status. Since that dreadful day, I’ve been pretty loyal to the French Dip. First item on the top secret menu? The French Dip MAX! Now, it’s not a big deal; it’s just twice the meat. Try ordering the French Dip Max, and if they are unsure, just tell them twice the meat.
If double the meat isn’t enough, try an Arby’s Meat Mountain! Chicken tenders form the solid base of this mountain which is then topped with roast turkey, ham, and Swiss cheese. But wait! There’s more: brisket, corned beef, Angus steak, cheddar cheese, and bacon round out this dandy of an artery clogger. I just…I can’t even.
Apparently Arby’s is big on giving away freebies in the form of sauces. Like they have a secret sauce arsenal behind the counter, but you have to know to ask for red ranch sauce or au jus (if you aren’t getting a French dip). You can also change the bread for no charge. Swap the regular bun for an onion roll or even rye! Live on the edge at Arby’s, because “different is good.” Oh, and you can add something called “onion tanglers” to any sandwich for free. They look like the forgotten kid brother of the onion ring.
To read the full secret menu at Arby’s, check it out here.
Next up is Subway, where Jared lives. (Doesn’t he?) I can totally get behind the idea that Subway is healthy. My personal problem is that since I don’t like veggies, any sandwich that I get from Subway that’s healthy would leave me starving again in an hour, since I don’t have all that filler. That usually leads me to order my all-time favorite, the quite unhealthy meatball marinara (with no sauce, please).
I’m really curious about the secret menu, because isn’t the point of Subway that you can be creative?
First up is the Pizza Sub: a sub loaded with spicy pepperoni, tomato sauce, cheese and veggies of your choice. This sandwich was a limited item back in 2012. I’m guessing they probably discontinued it about the time they started serving, oh, I don’t know…PIZZA.
The other notable item from Subway isn’t a sandwich, but a method: the Old Cut. Back in the day, the bread used to be cut from the top, rather than the side. It made a delightful pocket for sauceless meatballs. Honestly, I thought it was only meatball subs that were cut that way; apparently it was everything. And if you’re feeling nostalgic, you can ask for the Old Cut when ordering. Keep in mind, that it’s been about 10 years since the Old Cut was retired, so you’ll have to find a longtime employee to get it done properly.
Subway wins the award for lamest secret menu. If you want to see the other ridiculous “method”, feel free to check it out here.
Last up for today is KFC. I know I’m not alone in this situation; I’ve heard several complaints over the past many, many years about the local KFC running out of chicken. It’s frustrating. I’ve only been there a few times in the past five years or so, and I think it’s getting better, because it hasn’t happened to me in a really long time.
So a while back, KFC released a ridiculous sandwich called the Double Down. This is basically a chicken sandwich with no bun, and extra chicken patties instead. Now you can feel exclusive and order the KFC Triple Down, which is three (obviously) pieces of fried chicken with bacon and cheese. I guess they’re just stacked on top of each other. And if you want to be healthier, you can get it with grilled chicken!
You can add mashed potatoes to anything at KFC! A sandwich, a pot pie, or just on the side. You could totally add them to the Triple Down if you’re feeling brave. Also, the super secret menu says you can add biscuits (for a nominal fee). Also bacon. Pretty sure you can add anything, anywhere, for a nominal fee.
KFC Poutine: honestly, I don’t know how to pronounce this. And I didn’t know what it was until I read the description. This is a dish that’s popular in Canadian KFC locations, and is available in some US stores. “Basically, it’s a huge plate of French fries with fresh (piping hot) cheese curds smothered in gravy.” Being that it sounds like a giant glob of fat deliciousness, I can’t imagine it’s not available in the States. I didn’t even know that KFC had cheese curds.
KFC is my choice for runner-up in the lamest secret menu competition. Let’s hope for something more enlightening in our last segment: McDonald’s and Taco Bell!
-MCM Staffer Ashley,
who is determined to order the Old Cut