For those of you who know Murphy’s Law but can’t quite recall it, let me refresh your memory. Murphy states that “If anything can go wrong, it will.” O’Toole’s Commentary further clarifies the law by adding, “If anything can go wrong, it will, and at the most inopportune time.” O’Toole also goes on to say that “Murphy was an optimist.” I’m not here to debate the level of Irish pessimism, but simply to offer a few observations to help clarify some confusion here in the state.
Everyone knows that if you wash your car, it will rain within 24 hours. Did you know that the damage done by the rain to your new wash job can be greatly diminished? The wetter you get running through the rain to roll up the windows on your car, the sooner the rain will stop.
If you buy new tires for your old car, you will sell the car within 30 days. If you replace the air filter on your car, it will be the gas filter that is clogged.
The dirtier the clothes that you are wearing when you hurry into the store for a loaf of bread, the more people that you know will see you. The line you are standing in will be the one that moves the slowest. When it is your turn to check out, it will be time to pull the till drawer, count the money, and check in a new cashier.
The car with the oil burning engine and breaking all of the emission control laws will be the one directly ahead of you at the red light. The coal train will always pass in front of your vehicle, never behind it. The junkiest car in town will be the same vehicle that has the most bumper stickers displayed. The vehicle that has the filthiest words on a bumper sticker will be stopped right in front of you only when you have your children the front seat.
The person standing right behind you on the elevator will be the one with the sneezing cold. You will see him again on Sunday when he sits behind you in church. You will instantly recognize him by the same wet sneeze from the elevator.
At lunch when you politely hold the door open for the woman behind you to enter the restaurant, you will discover that she is with three others. They get the last table available in the restaurant for 20 minutes. When you order the blue plate special, your waitress will inform you that the last special was served to one of the four women that were seated ahead of you.
After fighting through the crosstown traffic and yet being lucky enough to find a parking space right at the front door of your favorite restaurant, you find that they are closed Monday.
Nothing of earth-shaking importance, just something to add a little spice to your life. The spice, however, will probably arrive the same day that your doctor has ordered a bland diet.
Written by the late James R. May.
Originally published in the Oologah Lake Leader.