It’s the first day of 2014. That means it’s time to make a resolution or two, right? I haven’t made one in several years, because the odds are against most people from the beginning. Or the resolution is too broad, thus making it easier to fail. I did some research (and by that, I mean, Googling) and found a list of the top 10 resolutions for 2014. Ready?

My-funny-New-Years-Resolution-about-weight1.) Lose weight. See? That’s too broad. I can lose a couple of pounds in a week, and then say, “Well, I did it. Hooray for me. Now I’m going to get a Big Mac.” Fail. I think it’s better to set a specific goal, like, “I will lose 20 pounds by May 15th” or something like that. Nail it down.

2.) Get organized. I have a bathroom drawer that is a MESS. Everything covered in make-up, loose Q-tips, empty eye shadow cases; it needs to be taken care of. I saw this cool article on Pinterest the other day, and this is the perfect excuse to do it. My resolution: to organize my messy bathroom drawer so my husband will stop making fun of it.

3.) Spend less, save more. I’m terrible at this. I’m never going to be able to retire, at this rate. This resolution just depresses me. Moving on.

4.) Enjoy life to the fullest. I’ve got nothing on this, either.

5.) Stay fit and healthy. I’ve got dreams along these lines, just like everyone else. My goal is to drink at least two of my 32-ounce mugs full of water each day. I know that’s what you’re supposed to do, but I’m not good at it. Don’t judge me.

What-Exactly-is-a-New-years-resolution-funny-definition6.) Learn something exciting. I don’t know about exciting, but I’ve been thinking about taking a knitting lesson at Unwind, A Yarn Shop. It’s here in town, and you get a free half-hour lesson if you buy the materials from them. Yarn…and such. I’d also like to learn to play the guitar. I think I’ll start small, with the knitting lesson. Maybe I’ll be such a natural whiz at knitting that I’ll be fulfilled and not want to learn the guitar anymore.

7.) Quit smoking. This is the time of year when everyone decides to quit smoking. It’s a good day for fresh beginnings. And fresh lungs.

8.) Help others in their dreams. I find it a little odd that THIS is the #8 resolution. I’ve never heard anyone say, “You know, I’d really like to help others in their dreams.” But this is great. Remember, everybody that comes to Hollywood has a dream. What’s your dream?

9.) Fall in love. With the amount of commercials I see for Christian Mingle and eHarmony.com, I’m surprised this isn’t higher on the list.

10.) Spend more time with family. I can understand this one. Especially because tomorrow isn’t a guarantee. Make the most of the time you have with your loved ones.

My-new-years-resolution-if-somebody-asksSo this year I’m actually going to make a few resolutions, and I’m going to make all of you hold me responsible. Man, I’m probably going to regret this.

1.) I will exercise for at least 30 minutes, five days per week.

2.) I will take a knitting lesson, and actually complete a knitting project.

3.) I will drink at least 8 glasses of water each day.

4.) I will organize my messy bathroom drawer.

Okay, that’s it. Surely those are possible.

Starting today. Happy 2014.